like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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