I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
