I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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