Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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