you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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