Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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