i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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