covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
