i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
