you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
