Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
