We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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