don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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