Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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