Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
