Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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