I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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