you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
