I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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