Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
