can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
