and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
