I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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