this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
