He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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