New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
