you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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