Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

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  (509): My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work. http://tfl.nu/mmky
  Replies (11) Good night (2424) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!

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  (402): I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em! http://tfl.nu/ru3y
  Replies (13) Good night (675) Bad night (5745)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium

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  (717): dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium http://tfl.nu/wa3w
  Replies (20) Good night (5293) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

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  (615): I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/yesg
  Replies (20) Good night (4226) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (9190) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

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  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6859) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

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  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (79) Good night (2539) Bad night (8156)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

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  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (5157) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

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  (865): Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale? http://tfl.nu/nfui
  Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (2112)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.

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  (517): Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B. http://tfl.nu/djpk
  Replies (12) Good night (2677) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Does that work!! Please say yes

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  (702): Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons (702): Does that work!! Please say yes http://tfl.nu/ujrg
  Replies (24) Good night (772) Bad night (2118)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.

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  (515): It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful. http://tfl.nu/3wbb
  Replies (4) Good night (1862) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?

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  (404): When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012? http://tfl.nu/cat9
  Replies (12) Good night (1716) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?

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  (510): how many people can say they bit their tattoo off? http://tfl.nu/3vcv
  Replies (4) Good night (340) Bad night (1527)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.

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  (202): Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/gois
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (260)

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