i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.