Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Randomize
Follow @tfln