Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.