Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3123) Bad night (820)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.

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  (917): But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs. http://tfl.nu/w3j8
  Replies (20) Good night (3064) Bad night (736)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.

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  (502): All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets. http://tfl.nu/t3ff
  Replies (10) Good night (3719) Bad night (685)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook

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  (614): I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook http://tfl.nu/grvu
  Replies (20) Good night (638) Bad night (4389)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

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  (229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (4780) Bad night (1583)
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  (310): View more from California

  how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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  (310): how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year. http://tfl.nu/ig11
  Replies (26) Good night (1012) Bad night (3166)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (10) Good night (5057) Bad night (1729)
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  (631): View more from New York

  judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.

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  (631): judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way. http://tfl.nu/a0to
  Replies (2) Good night (2722) Bad night (815)
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  (415): View more from California

  i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again

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  (415): i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again http://tfl.nu/roxu
  Replies (5) Good night (2679) Bad night (1346)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh God.

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  (919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g
  Replies (20) Good night (4587) Bad night (618)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls

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  (401): Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls http://tfl.nu/qxtg
  Replies (9) Good night (379) Bad night (1169)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.

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  (224): Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test. http://tfl.nu/65e0
  Replies (9) Good night (565) Bad night (1095)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...

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  (512): I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to... http://tfl.nu/6eke
  Replies (13) Good night (525) Bad night (1791)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

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  (817): Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window." http://tfl.nu/43ug
  Replies (10) Good night (1912) Bad night (402)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.

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  (720): I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy. http://tfl.nu/eww2
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (215)

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