The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
