just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
