Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
