we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
