dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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