Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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