i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
