He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize