So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
