My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
