i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am naked and annoyed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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