I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
