just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
