apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize