what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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