farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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