I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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