someone threw a dead crab at me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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