My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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