fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
