what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
