Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
