There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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