so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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