I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There are leaves in my underwear?
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