When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
