I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
