his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
