all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
