we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
