things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
