even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
