I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
