five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
