having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
