Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
