This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
