Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
