i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
