I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
