who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
