thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
