you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
