He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
